2.1.14

New Year

Learning. Letting go. Risk. Gratitude. Acceptance.

It amazes me when we take in the lessons from the past, not to evaluate the process or the decision or even the outcome, but how these moments all together shape who we become. Reflecting on this year doesn't unsettle me as much as I'd expect it to, actually feels like a pretty big relief. I spent several months with uncertainty sitting on my shoulders, doubt and fear clinging onto my ankles, walking around with these burdens on the L train. Moving back to New York, leaving a great setup in the mountains to go do something I felt I had once left unfinished, seemed as accomplishing as it was scary. I read my journal entries now and smile at my excitement, getting the "dream job" and rediscovering my New York City determination was blowing my landlocked mind. I truly felt this overflowing sense of gratitude like it was pouring out of me, with no intention of containing it. I wanted to share it with everyone and talk about how amazing and crazy life can be. Leaving my loving home in Colorado only seemed as unbearable as it was leaving for college. 
I was laid off two months into the job I relocated for and once again my world was rocked, but this time in the opposite direction. They got an offer on the company that they couldn't refuse, "bad timing," my bosses said. The few months leading to Christmas were wild, some days I'd wake with the fire to conquer the entire city and others I'd stay in bed hating the world outside my window. I interviewed and contemplated moving and then interviewed some more. I understood that my "dream job" wasn't at all the dream I had assigned it to be but rather my ticket to Brooklyn. And here I am swiping my credit card with high hopes and facing my most challenging test of resilience in the most notoriously resilient city in the world. As fate would have it, and as my loved ones predicted, the right thing came along just in the nick of time. 
Again feeling grateful but not allowing myself to float as high up off the ground as I did in July, I look back at this year and exhale deeply. Things will always change and rearrange, so I hope that you and I will be grounded, joyful, and in good taste this year to come. 

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